Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Top 10 Headlines I Hope I Don't Write in 2009

1) Katy Perry’s latest hit is called “I Kissed a Goat.”

2) Axl Rose announces that the next Guns n’ Roses album will be called American Monarchy. It’s due out November 23rd, 2025.

3) Kid Rock’s new single “All Winter Long” samples Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock n’ Roll,” The Allman Brothers Band’s “Ramblin’ Man” and ZZ Top’s “Sharp Dressed Man.” The song’s writing credits run two pages long.

4) Sarah Palin attempts to expand her media empire by recording a country album backed by the reunited Mavericks.

5) Kenny Chesney hits number-one on the country charts with “Seriously, I’m Not Gay. (And If I Was, it Would be With Jimmy Buffett or Sammy Hagar.”

6) Molson says everyone in Canada gets a Molson Golden if Neil Young releases his Archives Volume One set on CD in 2009.

7) Madonna spotted in New York’s Central Park with her latest conquest, Mets reliever Francisco Rodriguez.

8) A rapper takes power pop up the charts. The debut album from Lil’ Fountains of Wayne bows at number-one.

9) John Paul Jones, Jimmy Page and Jason Bonham hit the road with new vocalist Melissa Etheridge. The three musicians pay a certain tribute band 100 grand for the rights to the Lez Zeppelin name.

10) Creed reunite for a 50 city tour. (Crap, that one might actually happen.)

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