1) Jack White, Damien Rice and Kenny Chesney form a new supergroup called Renee’s Rejects and release an album called the Zellweger Follies.
2) Mariah Carey writes her first novel, The Emancipation Proclamation of Mimi.
3) The iPod Anal is introduced. Steve Jobs says it’s for record companies to shove straight up their asses.
4) Kevin Federline gets both Jessica and Ashlee Simpson pregnant.
5) Chris Novoselic and Dave Grohl are judges on the new summer reality series, Rock Star: Nirvana. Those guys from Bush, Puddle of Mudd and Seether are disqualified from entering.
6) At a corporate gig for Charmin toilet paper, Kayne West says “George Whipple doesn’t like black people.”
7) iPods found to not only cause deafness, but also paranoia, dementia, vertigo and rob users of their sexual drive.
8) All four members of Black Eyed Peas to release solo albums.
9) Thousands of people catch Ben Lee’s disease. Claire Danes is kidnapped by the CDC so they can create a vaccine.
10) Axl Rose sues Tommy Stinson for playing in Soul Asylum. (Wait, that seems like it could actually happen.)
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